shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
worst night to have a conscience
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
