is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
