i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
