Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
