Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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