There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
