Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
