I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
