Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
