made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
