fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
