Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
