I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
