he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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