YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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