I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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