im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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