Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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