Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
