Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am one with the molecules
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
