the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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