textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
