you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
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that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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