eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
