Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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