Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
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At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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