Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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