The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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