Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
