I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
