I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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