Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
