I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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