That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize