Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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