whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
