I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize