Betty ford says i'm here all night
Please, let me fuck your mom
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
