do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
