ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
