It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Randomize
