? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
