I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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