Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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