Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
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Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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