Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
