sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
