Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My life is pants optional.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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