My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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