Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
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it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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