A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
