Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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