pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
