My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
