i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
