I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
