I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
