Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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