i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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