It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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