Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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