I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
is it fun? or sober?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
