im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
