Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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