My first STD was from a foam party
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
do nipples grow back?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
