need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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