Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
