i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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