he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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