well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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