so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Someone signed my nipple.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
