I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
