chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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