You're my little dorito
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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