I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
