dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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