I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
