I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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