guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
try to milk me bitch
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
