Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
